32-Where Did I Go?

January 19, 2009

The missing years, the empty fears
The empty space hiding my disgrace
(Even from myself…..)

I’m still afraid-that’s nothing new.
Fear’s my old friend–it got me through.

I fractured like a pot of clay
When I “let” the perverts have their way.

I sold my soul to a twisted man
Then fractured again–all I understand.

I didn’t have the tools to be
Whatever it took to be safe or free.

I became a reflection of anyone near
Trying to hide the hurt and the fear.

God, were you there? Did You care?
Do You share the hurt and fear?

Can I be healed? Do I matter at all?
Will I ever be able to feel?

Help me, if You’re there.
I can’t do this alone.
I have nowhere to go.
I won’t let anybody care.

Will You?

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29-Her Fault

January 19, 2009

“It was her fault,”
That’s what they say
When the grown-up man
Makes the little girl pay.

“The whore! She asked for it!”
Why don’t they know–
She pays a price.
(She pays with her soul).

Is he just an animal
With no control-
This adult male
Who makes pleasure his goal?

Or does he just choose
To have his own way,
Not caring that inside
She dies each day?

“It’s her fault,” they tell her.
“One mustn’t seduce
These hormone filled males.
They can’t pass up youth!”

Kill ’em. God!
Make them pay
With their saintly souls
Like she does each day.

Give them some pain
They can never forget
Like the guilt and the shame
That haunt her yet.

Wake them up
In the dark of the night
Wanting to vomit
Because of the fright.

Let the righteous old ladies
Pay, pay, pay, pay!
For the damning,
Ignorant things that they say.

28-The Old Ladies Say

January 19, 2009

“You have wonderful parents,”
The old ladies say.
And I smile and say, “Thank you,”
In my most gracious way.

(If only they knew
What goes on at home,
They’d never believe
There’s a God on his throne!)

“They do so much for others,”
The old ladies say.
“I’ve known them for years.”
(You don’t know them today!)

Hey, little old lady,
I’ve got news for you!
You’ve got NO idea
What my parents can do!

The yelling, the cussing,
The violence and fear–
Our house don’t sound like heaven
(Let me make that point clear!)

But I smile and say, “Thank you,”
While I hate their sweet guts
For saying I’m so lucky
To be raised by these nuts!