26-I Know What He Was

My heart racing, in fear facing
The threats that he made–still afraid.

Can’t comprehend–
Thought that he was my friend.
The price of this friendship?
Control. My soul.

He got what he wanted–
(No price was too high).
He’d been taking it all for so long.

I wasn’t the first
(I sure wasn’t the worst!)
So glad I know now what he was.

But I was a fool-
An unfortunate tool.
A way he could get what he sought.

I made him a trade–
(Does that make me a whore?
Gave him my self-respect
For his time?)

I thought that he cared.
Just wasn’t aware of the cost.
I’m shattered, not flattered!
But I wasn’t bad
(I just needed a Dad).
Wanted someone to care-
A person to value my life.
Someone to say,
“I’m with you today.
I’ll be there for you…
Trust me, I care.”

But he lied!
Took what he wanted
Then cast me aside.
Arrogant man of pride.
So much to hide
All still denied.

betrayal, pain….the xxxxx wins again.

BUT NOT NOW!

I know how to be safe.
Guard my space.
It’s OK. I’m not afraid.

A price I paid for my soul
To take back control.
I won’t give it away.
I choose today to live.